Vampires may be bloodthirsty but they are also hopelessly romantic. Case in point — this frisky fellow with his heart shaped coffin made for two. Ample, um, “sleeping quarters” are also equipped with an 8k flatscreen, stereophonic sound, and chilled champagne (tinted with just the right amount of blood to create a perfect pink). What vampiress could resist the invitation of this undead Casanova?
Happy Earth Day! Please note this fine application of solar panels to provide necessary heating power while keeping the island environment pristine.
The Joy of Cooking [Man]
Welcome to 2022 where space travel is becoming commonplace and the number one kitchen appliance is still crock pot. Yes, this classic cauldron has gotten some new buttons over the years and with increased globalism and international shipping the newest models are now showing up on farthest islands where they are being put to use by locals cooking traditional fare like Explorer Stew and Mannistrone Soup.
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But is it a boy or a girl?
The Ultimate Ultrasound
High definition color, instead of lame black and white. Finally parents can see what’s really baking in the oven. Of course, sometimes low rez is better…
The Man Behind the Mask
One needs to be careful at Halloween parties where the veil between worlds is thin. Sometimes a mask isn’t a mask at all and you only realize you were hanging out with a true goat devil a few months later. Well, not to worry too much, there are definitely benefits to having a devil baby — the child should do excellent in Latin and excel at all flying sports.
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Sure beats traveling overseas by boat in a box.
Supersonic Bat Travel
Before supersonic bat travel, the only way for a New World vampire to visit relatives in Transylvania was by coffin over stormy seas. But now with Vampire Airlines, visiting the Old World is now only a short red eye flight away (daytime travel is shunned, for obvious reasons).
Beverage Service, Movies, and More
Vampire Airlines provides all the amenities you would expect from a first class carrier. All flights come with unlimited Bloody Marys (prepared with real Mary) and in-flight vampire movies. What are you waiting for – go visit Grandpa and Grandma Nosferatu in the Old Country today!
Don’t worry, robotic cars are sooooooooo much safer.
A FEW QUESTIONS ABOUT SELF-DRIVING VEHICLES
Who actually asked for these things to exist? Which company paid off which politicians to put homicidal robots in the skies and on the roads? What are all those truckers going to do when their jobs are replaced by toasters? Do you really need a cheap plastic shower squeegee from Amazon to be delivered by a drone? If robots are saving us labor, why are we all still working so hard? Do you actually want HAL taking control of your broomstick? Why does anything touched by Elon Musk always seem to explode?
Personally, I don’t want any robot putting its plastic hands on my broomstick. On the other hand, the way people drive nowadays sometimes I wish there was a competent robot at the wheel instead.
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