The voice of experience here. Goth and heavy metal types (especially those into black metal) put a lot of work into their wardrobes, and although they face many challenges due to their dress choices – from rain to unemployment – the most horrifying threat undoubtably comes from white cats, especially those with extra long fur. I personally wear quite a few black t-shirts and never realized what a terrible situation this was until I came into possession of not one but two white cats, including one with particularly long hair. Now I’m pretty much covered in visible cat fur all the time. Lint rollers can only do so much. Assuming you love your pets, there is no option but surrender. For goths and metalheads, white cats create great visual contrast, but they are wardrobe suicide. Make wise choices at the animal shelter – I didn’t.
It’s no secret that cats can be used to improve just about anything in a movie, and the famous “Battle of Hoth” scene in Star Wars’ Empire Strikes Back is no exception. This is because the four-legged mechanical war machines depicted in the movie — AT-ATs, or All Terrain Armored Transports — are an absolutely impractical way of moving troops from one place to another and conducting actual combat operations. Slow, clunky, and prone to making the drivers and troops vomit due to motion sickness, the only real value of an AT-AT is to scare the shit out of people, a capability that quickly wanes once their obvious weakness is discovered: AT-ATs are tippy as hell. This is where cats come to the rescue.
CAT-ATs are a definite improvement over AT-ATs, retaining the intimidation abilities of the original AT-AT design while adding catlike attributes such as balance, dexterity, and speed. Had CAT-ATs instead of AT-ATs been used by the Empire during the assault on Hoth, Luke’s X-Wing could have been pounced upon before its escape to Dagobah and the Millennium Falcon easily swatted from the sky. With two plotlines quickly resolved, the overall running time of the movie could have capped at about 30 minutes, saving the studio millions of dollars. The only drawback of CAT-ATs, in fact, is their proclivity to get distracted by things that have to nothing to do with the original military target or goal. They love to go chasing after whatever wildlife exists on random worlds. Oh, and CAT-ATs do kind of suck at taking orders, too — something no doubt considered by the Empire before opting for more docile technology.
If you see ancient Egyptians going door to door in your neighborhood, don’t assume they are coming to talk to you. And don’t assume your cat isn’t interested in what they have to say…
Pharaohs and Felines
Everyone knows that cats were revered in ancient Egypt if not actually worshipped as gods. Today the reverence continues in the form of countless cat cartoons, cat videos, and cat memes.
There are approximately 400 million cats currently on the planet. Couple that with countless religions and cults and its only a matter of time before true believers show up in your neighborhood and demand an audience with your furry friend.
Thanks for reading!
Ready, Aim… Glurk. Glurk. Glurk.
If you have cats, you have cat barf, and it always falls where you want it the least, like on the expensive oriental rug in this cartoon. Cats rarely miss the mark when it comes to barfing on an expensive rug or precious piece of furniture. Putting an oriental rug on the floor in a house with cats is basically handing your carpet a death sentence.
Apparently cats just barf a lot naturally. They actually eat grass to facilitate it. Plus they lick themselves all the time which puts a lot of fur in their stomachs and what goes down has to come up, apparently.
For most cats, vomit is a way of life, but for these two… they seem to take real sport in it.
Last night I was trying to figure out a cartoon to draw for today and decided I hadn’t drawn evil cats in a while so there you go. Thanks for reading!
For Alice Hardy!
Cat’s Revenge by Claude Balls
If you ever wondered what happened to Alice Hardy’s cat in Friday the 13th Part II, now you know. Although poor Alice never made it out of the kitchen (while trying to feed her nameless and all but forgotten kitty), her feline friend managed to escape and return years later with 12 of his buddies for brutal revenge!
Nine Lives x 13 Cats (Count Em)
Has Jason Voorhees finally met his match? Doubtfully, since he’s got more lives than the mathematics above. But if you think Friday the Purrteenth is bad, just wait until Caturday the 14th rolls around and things get really hairy.
Thanks for reading!