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CAT-ATs published on No Comments on CAT-ATs


It’s no secret that cats can be used to improve just about anything in a movie, and the famous “Battle of Hoth” scene in Star Wars’ Empire Strikes Back is no exception. This is because the four-legged mechanical war machines depicted in the movie — AT-ATs, or All Terrain Armored Transports — are an absolutely impractical way of moving troops from one place to another and conducting actual combat operations. Slow, clunky, and prone to making the drivers and troops vomit due to motion sickness, the only real value of an AT-AT is to scare the shit out of people, a capability that quickly wanes once their obvious weakness is discovered: AT-ATs are tippy as hell. This is where cats come to the rescue.

CAT-ATs are a definite improvement over AT-ATs, retaining the intimidation abilities of the original AT-AT design while adding catlike attributes such as balance, dexterity, and speed. Had CAT-ATs instead of AT-ATs been used by the Empire during the assault on Hoth, Luke’s X-Wing could have been pounced upon before its escape to Dagobah and the Millennium Falcon easily swatted from the sky. With two plotlines quickly resolved, the overall running time of the movie could have capped at about 30 minutes, saving the studio millions of dollars. The only drawback of CAT-ATs, in fact, is their proclivity to get distracted by things that have to nothing to do with the original military target or goal. They love to go chasing after whatever wildlife exists on random worlds. Oh, and CAT-ATs do kind of suck at taking orders, too — something no doubt considered by the Empire before opting for more docile technology.

Skeleton Army Necromancer Cartoon

Skeleton Army

Skeleton Army published on No Comments on Skeleton Army

Skeleton Army Necromancer Cartoon

They complain, they lose things (often their own body parts), and needless to say they have certain physical disadvantages (no muscles, no flesh… need I go on?). Having your own skeleton army may be hip if you are a necromancer and it’s hard to imagine a haunted castle without them, but they really are quite a pain to manage and probably more trouble than they are worth.

Necromancy Ain’t Easy

You sleep with the dead, smell like a rotten fish, and spend your days searching cemeteries for obscure spell components. And what do you get for your troubles? A gaggle of brainless boneheads barely capable of lifting their swords much less using them. Good luck acquiring new territory, wiping out rival wizards, or even mounting a proper defense of your evil forest with these substandard servants. Pro tip: befriend a dragon. Much sexier and infinitely more powerful (assuming you aren’t incinerated on first contact).

Camp Crystal Lake Coronavirus Comic

Toilet Paper Terror

Toilet Paper Terror published on No Comments on Toilet Paper Terror

Camp Crystal Lake Coronavirus Comic

The Coronavirus comes to Camp Crystal Lake

Dominatrix and Gimp Cartoon

Mission Gimpossible

Mission Gimpossible published on No Comments on Mission Gimpossible

Dominatrix and Gimp Cartoon

This probably actually happens sometimes.

Latex Lockdown

Locksmith strikes me as one of those professions where people see it all. After all, the job of a locksmith is to unlock things that other people want locked up for some good (or nefarious) reason. Things including, ahem, their fellow humans.

Release the Gimp

I rewatched Pulp Fiction again recently which was doubtlessly the inspiration for this cartoon. Ironically, the version I watched was censored on commercial television and the gimp scene was completely cut out of the film! That may sound like sacrilege but since I was watching the movie with my mother I was totally cool with the edits. I’m not sure she would have really understood what was happening and I didn’t want to be the one to explain it to her. Not that I really understand this gimp thing myself – all I know for certain is they are fun to draw!

Thanks for reading — and always keep a backup key.

Jason Voorhees Gratitude Board Cartoon

Gratitude with Attitude

Gratitude with Attitude published on No Comments on Gratitude with Attitude

Jason Voorhees Gratitude Board Cartoon

Jason acknowledges the goodness in his life.

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