End of summer sadness is a real thing, and something that Jason Voorhees feels every year when Camp Crystal Lake locks its doors for the season. Despite his preternatural hatred of the camp and its irresponsible counselors, Jason nonetheless hates to see the camp shuttered and its staff (those that remain alive) vanish like so many leaves from the trees.
Camp Crystal Lake Closed Until Next Summer
While many people look forward to the fall with its cool temperatures, glowing colors, and fun filled holidays like Halloween, to others the end of summer is a sad time. Late August and September portend the start of winter and the freezing weather, silver skies, and horrible Christmas music that accompany the season. But don’t despair, summer lovers — as sure as the sun continues to rise in the sky before eventually turning red and consuming the earth, the summer season will return again with even greater brutality — hotter, longer, and accompanied by the hacking and slashing of foolish counselors who despite 12 bloody franchise films continue to take seasonal jobs at Camp Crystal Lake.
Caption text in case you’re a robot or using a translator: Despite his hatred of Camp Crystal Lake, Jason always felt sad when summer ended and there was no one around to kill.
Nothing like a good old fashioned fry-up to burn off excess flesh and keep your stomach bubbling. Happy Friday the 13th for those who celebrate (I assume by watching horror movies). To everyone else, watch out for falling safes, rickety ladders, and machete wielding maniacs.
Crystal Lake Burgers
Although the subject is fried food (or fried dude?), I confess to grabbing a bit of low hanging fruit today with the caption as well as the parody burger joint. I don’t recall Crystal Lake Burgers in any of Friday the 13th franchise movies, but it seems like a plausible location in the F13 extended universe (teens gotta eat!).
Thanks for reading!
I feel better knowing this. I mean, I think I do.
It will be a wonderful day when we can move past the real-life horror of Covid-19 and put horror back where it belongs — on the movie screen! Jason needs to lift his chin up and smell the roses. At least he is isolated in a beautiful place (Camp Crystal Lake is known for its legendary beauty). And when the quarantine is lifted and bum rush to the forest begins he’ll have plenty of plump campers to keep his machete swinging deep into the 2020s. In the meantime, wash your hands, Jason, and keep that mask in place!
Thanks for reading and stay healthy!
The Coronavirus comes to Camp Crystal Lake
Someone has to put the kabosh on toilet paper hoarding.
Camp outhouses are generally disgusting places and this situation is made only worse when someone rips off the toilet paper. Even though Jason is generally content to crap in the woods and use a handful of leaves for hygiene, his ingrained sense of justice does not allow him to tolerate people running off with the community ass wiping products. If only he could be deployed to local Wal-Mart to organize the situation there.
Thanks for reading, and try to stay healthy!
Be careful – this one bites back!
Catching the Big One
Camp Crystal Lake is known for its world-famous summer camp, but winter brings visitors to the lake as well. Skating, hockey, and ice fishing are just a few of things you’ll find when Camp Blood is frozen for the season. Just be careful what you hook through that hole in the ice. You never know what might be lurking in the frozen depths.