For as long as humans have been touching their toes while farting there has been a debate in Christianity on whether or not yoga is evil. Although the idea of yoga being evil may sound ridiculous to some, the growing trend to practice yoga with living goats under the spiritual guidance of Baphomet, the goat demon god of heavy metal album art, is pretty clear proof that yoga is infernal in nature. Once relegated to hidden clearings in dark forests on specific days of the year (eclipses, Halloween, Black Friday), practicing Eastern religion with goats can now be found on any given weekend in any location where bored urbanites have access to bearded livestock.
Guru Baphomet Invites You to Goat Yoga
Unsatisfied with the patchouli and sweat smell of their fellow humans, yoga practitioners are now moving from the studio to the barnyard where an entirely new stank await them. Live goats love to poop and love it even more when humans roll around on the ground where they drop their dark materials. Unsurprisingly, goat yoga has major appeal to children who are magically drawn to all things both evil and scatological.
Quetzalcoatl was the feathered serpent god of the Aztecs, a detail that may be important to understanding this cartoon. With the resurgence in recent years of many pagan religions (perhaps due to the popularity of Game of Thrones), it’s only a matter of time before a scenario like this plays out on your local street corner or supermarket parking lot. Be careful though about getting sucked into unfamiliar religions based on their attractive clothing and stylish hats — some have strict rituals associated with them that may be hard to comply with. In the case of the Aztecs, human sacrifice all the rage, and not just for the unfortunates captured in their wars or found wandering the beaches drunk after sunset. It was considered an honor for practitioners of the religion to willingly sacrifice themselves to the gods (sometimes after a game of basketball), having their still-beating hearts carved from their chests before their bodies were kicked down a steep flight of stairs and then eaten for dinner.
With benefits like that, who can resist?
If you see ancient Egyptians going door to door in your neighborhood, don’t assume they are coming to talk to you. And don’t assume your cat isn’t interested in what they have to say…
Well, I guess you can’t save them all.