Vampires may be bloodthirsty but they are also hopelessly romantic. Case in point — this frisky fellow with his heart shaped coffin made for two. Ample, um, “sleeping quarters” are also equipped with an 8k flatscreen, stereophonic sound, and chilled champagne (tinted with just the right amount of blood to create a perfect pink). What vampiress could resist the invitation of this undead Casanova?
Statistically speaking, you’ve probably been in an online meeting with someone like this and never even realized it.
Zoom and Gloom
Most of us have probably done the “tie up top, shorts below” Zoom call at this point and who hasn’t juggled a few plants and books to improve their peripheral mise en scène? But this psychopath takes off-screen antics to another level. Give him a break, though — before the pandemic struck he probably had a cubicle in a downtown office where he was the life of in-person meetings and known for his oozy shoulder rubs and powerful cologne. Thanks to delicious bat stew he was forced to convert his satanic trophy dungeon into a home office. I’m told there are tax benefits.
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They refuse to fix the sheets in the coffin when they wake up, too.
I’m not sure why children aren’t allowed to jump on beds in the absence of a trampoline (I wasn’t), but the universal ban on this thrilling activity apparently applies to the vampire world as well as the human one. Fortunately, unruly bed bouncing eventually runs its course when human children learn how to skateboard and vampire children learn how to transform into bats and fly.
I’ve been having fun with this vampire mom character and her unruly pack of bloodsucking brats. She’s scheduled to make another appearance on Friday, so make sure to check back soon!
No one wants to be buried alive, but if you are… try to have a pack of smokes and a good book with you. It’s all about attitude, you know. To paraphrase Conan the Barbarian: “The grave is a great place to catch up on reading.”
The inspiration for this cartoon came directly from one of EC’s creepier covers — Tales from the Crypt Number 28, to be exact.
The cutaway section of earth in the original is pretty brilliant. Or should I say, dark. You get the idea. It was something horribly cool I wanted to play around with in a cartoon of my own.
I’m not sure how the man in the original got into his predicament, but mine is open to interpretation. There are many questions that need to be answered here:
Why was the guy in the pink shirt buried alive? Why are those gravediggers so cheerfully sadistic? Is that cute little rat in the bottom right corner going to rescue him?
My wife thinks the guy is a vampire: wrong! However, he does enjoy the books of Edgar Allen Poe, that much is clear. Maybe there is a clue there? Perhaps this is some type of horror vacation where you are temporarily buried in order to read Poe in the cemetery where Poe is buried. That would be novel.