Happy Thanksgiving! There are many Thanksgiving traditions, but none quite as revered as the slicing of the turkey. Traditionally this duty belongs to the patriarch, who has generally done nothing in the kitchen that day but suddenly emerges as the only one capable of this profound act of dexterity, thereby reaping an undeserved degree of credit for the meal while his beleaguered wife pours herself a fourth glass of wine and topples from exhaustion. But in the Sawyer Family the responsibility of cutting up the bird is granted to the youngest child, Leatherface, who does such a superb job rendering the meal into bite size bits that no one would dare challenge him. And mmmmmmmm, nothing really seasons a bird like fresh chainsaw oil.
Sometimes you need that piece of paper to get respect in this world. The truth is, Leatherface could be faculty in the Human Taxidermy Program at the University of Texas (if the program really existed – did I really need to tell you that?)
Don’t be offended by this cartoon, Longhorns. Gunnar Hansen was a UT student looking for a summer job when he took on the original Leatherface role and director Tobe Hooper took classes at UT Austin. So if one school is a candidate for this pioneering program in how to stuff humans with sawdust, this is it (or maybe the University of Florida which isn’t too far from Orlando and could supply human puppets for Disney World).
Thanks for reading my Grinsane thoughts, mwahaha. Y’all come back now, you hear?
Why keep a bunch of crunchy old flesh masks hanging around the house when you could be making room for new ones?
DOES IT SPARK JOY?
I don’t know, does it include spark plugs and make a lot of noise? Does it blend? Really, there is no reason for anyone to possess more than a dozen dead skin masks, especially an insane man child living in a remote part of Texas — there just aren’t enough social opportunities out there requiring that many changes of face.
NETFLIX AND STIHL
I haven’t seen the Marie Kondo show. No desire. I like my unwieldy hoard of books. I like having a garage full of broken tools. I’ve still got power cables for every computer I’ve owned since 1995. I’ve got original Heavy Metal magazines from the 80s and Freak Brothers comics from the 70s and they aren’t going anywhere without a fight!
Thanks for reading — check back next week for more horror comedy cartoons from Grinsane!
There’s more than one way to trim a tree. Merry Christmas from Grinsane!
GRANDPA’S LAST CHRISTMAS?
Man-children get so excited when they open their gifts. Usually the joy on their faces outweighs the destruction they cause, but this year may be different as Leatherface spins ecstatically around the living room with his new chainsaw. Power tools are always a poor choice of present for the mentally deranged.
Is this finally the end of Grandpa Sawyer, wheelchair-bound patriarch of the murderous family of Texas cannibals? And he hasn’t even unwrapped his new hammer yet. Fortunately, Gramps can move that chair when he needs to. Hopefully when the smoke clears no one will have suffered any permanent damage and the family can sit down to a nice Christmas dinner of human steak and sausage.
Speaking of family, I’m busy hosting my own this week (and cooking tonight, mmmm…), so this will likely be the only cartoon this week. Check back next week for a special New Year’s Eve edition of Grinsane, after which I plan to resume my regular Friday postings. Happy Holidays!
This happens. How could it not? If there is one thing Leatherface cares about, it’s his dead skin mask collection, and he’s not about to just let his folio of faces rot away in a shoebox somewhere. Every visage in his gruesome collection is lovingly laundered after use, and then hung out in the breeze to dry (never put human flesh in a dryer, folks).
What else can we learn from this pastoral cartoon? That Leatherface doesn’t discriminate, that’s what. He’s got an ethnically diverse collection of severed faces, female as well as male, which he wears proudly in keeping with the progressive politics of rural Texas.
Selection is also based on who wandered up the driveway recently.
Also, did you know that Texas has hills? Unless you’ve been there (you may have been scared off by this movie, which has been officially banned by the Texas Tourism Bureau), you probably thought it was flat as a cow patty. Sure, it’s pretty level in spots, but West Texas has canyons, mountains, a Sasquatch, the whole deal. Cow patties aren’t really flat, either.
Die hard fans of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre (clergy) will be quick to point out that Central Texas, where the movie takes place, is actually pretty flat. But I needed to take some artistic license in order to fill the frame of this cartoon. So, um, the family must have relocated after their barbecue truck got audited by the Austin health inspector. Yeah, that’s what happened…
Next week is SNOW WEEK! Celebrate the horror of winter with original Grinsane cartoons featuring snow and ice.