Happy Thanksgiving! There are many Thanksgiving traditions, but none quite as revered as the slicing of the turkey. Traditionally this duty belongs to the patriarch, who has generally done nothing in the kitchen that day but suddenly emerges as the only one capable of this profound act of dexterity, thereby reaping an undeserved degree of credit for the meal while his beleaguered wife pours herself a fourth glass of wine and topples from exhaustion. But in the Sawyer Family the responsibility of cutting up the bird is granted to the youngest child, Leatherface, who does such a superb job rendering the meal into bite size bits that no one would dare challenge him. And mmmmmmmm, nothing really seasons a bird like fresh chainsaw oil.
Sometimes you need that piece of paper to get respect in this world. The truth is, Leatherface could be faculty in the Human Taxidermy Program at the University of Texas (if the program really existed – did I really need to tell you that?)
Don’t be offended by this cartoon, Longhorns. Gunnar Hansen was a UT student looking for a summer job when he took on the original Leatherface role and director Tobe Hooper took classes at UT Austin. So if one school is a candidate for this pioneering program in how to stuff humans with sawdust, this is it (or maybe the University of Florida which isn’t too far from Orlando and could supply human puppets for Disney World).
Thanks for reading my Grinsane thoughts, mwahaha. Y’all come back now, you hear?
Why keep a bunch of crunchy old flesh masks hanging around the house when you could be making room for new ones?
DOES IT SPARK JOY?
I don’t know, does it include spark plugs and make a lot of noise? Does it blend? Really, there is no reason for anyone to possess more than a dozen dead skin masks, especially an insane man child living in a remote part of Texas — there just aren’t enough social opportunities out there requiring that many changes of face.
NETFLIX AND STIHL
I haven’t seen the Marie Kondo show. No desire. I like my unwieldy hoard of books. I like having a garage full of broken tools. I’ve still got power cables for every computer I’ve owned since 1995. I’ve got original Heavy Metal magazines from the 80s and Freak Brothers comics from the 70s and they aren’t going anywhere without a fight!
Thanks for reading — check back next week for more horror comedy cartoons from Grinsane!