Pit beasts are high maintenance creatures, so be careful when adding one to your cult or coven. Tentacles lash out at unexpected angles and doubtlessly you’ll lose an acolyte or two every year. Feeding them is always a challenge, and let’s just avoid the topic of cleaning the pit after the meal is over. Fortunately for our hapless cult, pizzas are easier to come by than virgins these days, although the cost of delivery adds up.
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I think there may have been a Family Circus cartoon along these lines once, but it didn’t contain human sacrifice, near nudity, and tentacles. Consider this an alt comix upgrade!
In my experience, children don’t really dig church, I know I sure didn’t. Something about having to sit still for more than five minutes. I’m assuming whatever your religion — Christian, Lucyferian, or Cult of Cthulhu — the situation is the same.
DO YOU READ H.P. LOVECRAFT?
Then you should be able to identify the Elder Gods depicted in the stained glass. Don’t bother trying to decipher the weird symbols, I just squiggled those out.
Thanks for reading! Check back next week for another horror comedy cartoon. Valentines Day is approaching fast, so get ready for romance…
Nothing can escape the gravitational pull of a black hole. Nothing, you hear me, nothing! No fancy space ships, no planets that wandered too close to the edge, no light, and not even time itself (I think). It’s just like my inlaws’ refrigerator, the stuff that goes in never comes out, it just sits inside and festers and bubbles and evolves… true cosmic horror!
This is the common understanding of black holes, of course, but then along comes Stephen Hawking who does one of those giant math equations that takes up seventeen chalkboards, and voila, suddenly it’s theoretically possible for itsy bitsy radioactive turdlets to fly out. Thanks, dude, way to immediately turn ten million high school science text books into pulp for toilet paper.
“Hawking was right. Waterbears are not related to koalas.”
And since little bitty particles can escape, that leaves the door wide open for you-know-who.
Cthulhu.
Yes, for who else can that be gazing out of the void and reaching for that Elon Musk discount space ship with his sticky green tentacle?
Thanks a ton, wheelchair guy.
“If I say that my somewhat extravagant imagination yielded simultaneous pictures of an octopus, a dragon, and a human caricature, I shall not be unfaithful to the spirit of the thing. A pulpy, tentacled head surmounted a grotesque and scaly body with rudimentary wings; but it was the general outline of the whole which made it most shockingly frightful.” – Stephen Hawking, A Brief History of Time
Thank for reading Grinsane, featuring weekly dark, weird, and horror comedy cartoons. More toons coming soon! Visit the archive for previous comics.
