I was sitting on the couch the other night, wondering what to draw for a cartoon this week, and I noticed the weird flowers growing in the window sill. My wife has been purchasing discount orchids at the supermarket and placing them there. The flowers come in all different shapes and colors, and most of them appear to be either laughing or screaming. I’m assuming they are talking to one another and making jokes that only flowers find funny. They are obviously dorks, but also orchids. They are dorchids.
He’ll whip your lawn into shape.
THE MARQUIS DE SOD
Have you ever smelled freshly cut grass and thought, mmmmmmmmmm, it smells so good, I’d love to just beat that grass for pleasure?
Yeah, me neither. “Doctor Mark”, on the other hand, had been golfing for decades. He always felt at peace on the golf course, especially after conducting a delicate surgery. But then one day he realized, it’s ain’t the game I love, it’s the grass…
When he saw those voluptuous sod rolls arrive on the course one day he knew he had to have them in the worst way possible. And so that night, under the full moon, he gave in to his darkest desires.
And the Marquis de Sod was born.
Rumor has it that the depraved doctor left his wife, family, and successful medical practice to become a full time groundskeeper where he could enjoy his bizarre desires full time.
This may seem like a weird topic for a cartoon, but you can’t say society doesn’t have a thing for grass. We spend millions of dollars on irrigation and countless hours mowing, whacking, trimming, and watering lawns. Let’s face it, we’re a society of lawn sadists.
Incidentally, I can hear a lawnmower going right now as I write this cartoon commentary. I wonder if the guy pushing the mower is laughing maniacally to himself while he does it.
One final joke: Why did the Marquis de Sade get fired from the Fire Department?
His hose was too kinky.
Thanks for enduring this snappy episode of Grinsane. Tune back in at the end of the week for more bizarre and strange cartoons.
Finally, exclusive cartoon footage of a Russian troll farm. You’ve undoubtably been hearing a lot about these strange agricultural enterprises, and wishing someone could peel back the onion layers to give you a peek inside, and so… you’re welcome!
INSIDE A RUSSIAN TROLL FARM
Grinsane has cartoon correspondents all over the globe, including mysterious Russia where trolls no longer live under bridges, but are actively farmed. When we heard that monsters were being grown like broccoli over there, we immediately activated our local sleeper cell cartoonist and ordered him to sniff around the Russian countryside with his sketch pad and the latest Photoshop. Needless to say, we were horrified at what he documented: acres upon acres of trolls being produced and harvested like cabbage.
How do they do it, you may wonder? We aren’t certain on details, but our correspondent remarked that the soil where he did his sketching was hot – as in totally radiated. This explains the various hair colors you see on the trolls in the cartoon. It seems these troll farms have been erected on former Soviet nuclear waste dumps and most likely the radiation found in such places is essential to the growth of the trolls.
This radiation could be impacting the trolls’ intelligence as well. Historically, trolls are known for being incredibly stupid (and easy to fool). Although this latest batch is capable of using computers to write ludicrous articles for the internet, you have to wonder what it says about us humans who are so eager to believe and pass around the latest troll texts.
So beware of trolls. Once they get off the farm, you never know where they could appear. Oh, and speaking of Russia, one other piece of information you might appreciate… you know that Donald Trump pee tape everyone was talking about a year ago? Totally true. Our guy popped into the Russian version of a 7-11 to buy some unfiltered Marlboro cigarettes and saw copies for sale right there on the shelf next to the Russian Twinkies. Only a matter of time before it shows up on YouTube.
Check back Thursday for another horror comedy cartoon!
Even carnivorous plants have fallen victim to the rising trend of corporate food and instant gratification – and who can blame them? Let’s face it, fried ants taste better!
This image was inspired by living in Florida, which has many horrors lurking in the swamps, and not just reptilian ones like alligators and pythons. The plant kingdom has its own vegetable basket of nasty, deadly things – just read about the Manchineel tree sometime if you don’t believe me.