Unless you’ve been living in a windowless basement with no access to sunlight or the internet, you’ve probably heard of “trunk or treat,” a trendy new way to practice trick or treating that doesn’t involve interacting with actual neighbors. With trunk or treat, children no longer march around the block and beg for candy at the houses of strangers but instead parade around a parking lot and acquire candy from parked cars (the owners of the cars being carefully screened by the organizers of the trunk or treat event, usually church folk). Apparently the trunk or treat “tradition” was started by Christians seeking to more closely monitor and police the traditional trick or treating experience because… well, I don’t really know why. Too many drunk drivers on Halloween night? Too many creepy lawn decorations? Or maybe they just want to colonize yet another pagan holiday and claim it for themselves. What these parking lot puritans don’t realize, however, is that even trunk or treat can backfire. For instance, when a psychopathic, self-driving car shows up for a bit of Halloween fun — a car like Christine. When it comes to trunk or treating, Christine — that infamous, cherry red, ’57 Chevy — loves nothing more than to throw herself in reverse and put the pedal to the floor, scooping up anyone in her path. Apparently human flesh is to Christine what candy is to a seven year old, that being major yums! A parking lot isn’t going to save anyone from the terror of Christine — anywhere there is pavement, there is death. Might as well play it safe this Halloween by staying home and watching horror movies.