It’s important to look snazzy for the sacrifice but not all robes are stitched the same. Don’t think you can just grab any old thing from the closet if you are running late to summon Lucyfer. All religions, big and small and good and evil, take their costumes seriously, so make sure to keep your godly garb fresh and fluffed. There is nothing that displeases supernatural beings more than dress code violations. Remember, if it wasn’t for funky robes and groovy hats, a lot of these religions wouldn’t even exist!
I think it’s fair to say that if your child is possessed by the Evil One, and you solicit the help of a priest, stay in the room to keep an eye on things during the ceremony.
Seriously, can you find a reliable priest for an exorcism anymore? And by reliable, I mean one that isn’t a demon himself? Surely there has been an uptick in untreated demonic possession since these priests started getting outed. People are afraid to let them in the house, much less be alone with their kids, giving the true hell spawn unfettered access to your offspring, resulting in a nonstop stream of blasphemy and projectile vomit. Admittedly, some of the things these possessed children say are kind of funny, cute even, but that infernal pea soup barf is almost impossible to scrape off the walls.
Now that we’ve discussed the church, let’s talk about the Exorcist, one of the few movies I find truly terrifying. I rarely watch this film because I end up seeing little Linda Blair Regan MacNeil’s creepy possessed face in the shadows for at least a month after I view it. In fact, while I was drawing this cartoon (which took forever, since four panels is four times the work that I usually put in), my wife put on the film and I told her no way, change the movie, and we watched Species instead — a movie in which the greatest horror is listening to Ben Kingsley attempt to speak English with an American accent.
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If we’ve learned anything from watching the Evil Dead movies, it should be that one must always pronounce the words right when reading ancient texts. This isn’t an easy task, of course, especially with “deadite” languages like Latin and Aramaic, and it’s even more challenging when dealing with a purely magical one, like the Black Speech of Sauron.
Invocations, therefore, are best left to experts like the ones depicted in this comic. This is the third time the Cult of Crepuscular Creeps have appeared in Grinsane, and they only getting more “effective” with their sinister Black Arts.
At this point you may be wondering… Lucy, really, how did it ever go so wrong? When did charming Lucy ever become demonic hellspawn? What’s next, Hellhound Snoopy ?(hrm, need to add that to the cartoon idea folder…)
Think back to those endless pranks and tricks on Charlie Brown – yanking that football away, week after week, followed by that demented smile. Truly, Lucy’s earthly presence has always been a mere avatar of something more sinister, something sorcerously evil lurking in the fiery depths below…
Thank you for reading Grinsane! Check back next week for more horror comedy comics and cartoons.